i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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