guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
