he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
