My first STD was from a foam party
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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