bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
