Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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