When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
