I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Randomize
