i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
