you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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