We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
