I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
