im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
only you would photoshop your dick
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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