how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
