ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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