I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
