Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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