What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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