Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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