am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
