If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
