PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
