real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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