I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
