I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
someone owes me an orgasm
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
