My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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