Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she smelled like a LAN party
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
