guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
