Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
