ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
