The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
