I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
