She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
