I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
