i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
