How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
