I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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