I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
