for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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