Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
