I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
