Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There r osticjed everywhere
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
