just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
