OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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