so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
