i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
