and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
