Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
