I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
