At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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