life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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