I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
