Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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