I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
