No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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